Nipple Erectile Dysfunction

From:
Jack Offenheimer
VP of NED Division, Phizer Inc.

To:
Rick Kurtzman
Creative Artists Agency

Re:
Engagement of Daniel Craig

Dear Rick

DanielCraigWe at Phizer are thrilled to announce an exciting new product to help women who suffer from the embarrassment of Nipple Erectile Dysfunction (NED). To launch our introductory ad campaign, we would like to engage your client Daniel Craig. We feel that Daniel will be the perfect spokesman for our new NED product line. He has just the “ready for some nipple fondling” look that we feel will be perfect for introducing our product.

The television ad series, that we plan to air all day every day, will be extremely sensitive and dignified. It will follow the highly successful and critically acclaimed format of our Viagra for Men commercials.

The first, patterned after our very tasteful Kelly King commercial, will feature Daniel clad in leopard skin pajamas, lying on a bed and completely ignoring the copy of Fifty Shades Darker in front of him.

His dialogue will be as follows:

“Curling up in bed with a favorite book is nice, but I think men would rather curl up with their favorite woman. But here’s the thing. About half of women over 40 have some degree of nipple erectile dysfunction. Well, Viagra helps gals with NED get and keep a nipple erection. And remember you only take it when you need it.”

The second spot will be similar to our fun and wholesome “Viagra Football” commercial, see it here. In his version, Daniel will be flipping a pair of opera glasses between his hands as he undresses the camera with his eyes.

“Watching opera together is great, but I think men would agree, snuggling with their woman afterwards is nice too. The thing is, about half of women over 40 have some degree of nipple erectile dysfunction. Well, Viagra helps gals with NED get and keep a nipple erection. And you only take it when you need it.”

We hope Daniel will join our family at Phizer to help combat the scourge of nipple erectile dysfunction. We know that he cares deeply about these pressing issues of our times and shares our passion to help women achieve sustained nipple arousal. In addition, we are of course willing to offer an extremely generous compensation package.

Looking forward to hearing from you soon,

Jack Offenheimer

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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